Dear Cody,
Do you remember the first day we met? I was sitting in Cheyenne’s classroom with my back to the door. I heard the door open and I looked up at her to see her acknowledge the presence of whomever had just walked in. Now you need to understand something before I go on. I was the first person in this world to look upon her beautiful face. For over 24 years watching her expressions has been my greatest joy. I’ve become an expert at predicting her thoughts just by her facial expressions alone. But that day? That day I saw an expression I had never seen before. That day I saw an expression that said, “he’s the one”. That day I saw an expression that scared me. Yes. I said it. You scare me.
Understand me, I already love you more than I’m able to adequately express. But the power and role you will have in my daughter’s life today strikes up more fear in my heart than I’ve ever been prepared to deal with. You have the ability to help my daughter flourish into the woman she will become, or the ability to crush her. Can you possibly understand how scary that is for a mother?
I pray about you frequently. I have high standards for you, and I don’t mean that to be a daunting thing, but entrusting my daughter under your leadership is likely the hardest thing I will ever do. She’s my baby. Raising her is my greatest joy, and watching her marry you will be the most bittersweet thing I will ever do.
Therefore I pray that you are a strong man of faith. Full of integrity and true character, loyal and honest, brave and intelligent. I pray you are gentle with my girl. I pray you are an amazing father, and that my daughter encourages you in that role. I believe you will be thoughtful and caring, because I believe my daughter has chosen wisely.
I’ve been married for a while and I know the hard work it is. I know the burden a man has to provide, love and lead his family. I see the fear and uncertainty a man must deal with. I pray you have the necessary skills to lead gracefully and that God is always first in your life.
I’ve done my very best to raise a daughter who will love you wholeheartedly. Who understands that marriage isn’t a fairy tale, but a true commitment, a covenant that lasts far beyond broken rules or broken hearts. One that isn’t to be taken lightly, and something you don’t just give up on. I’ve encouraged her independence and leadership qualities, all while hoping to model for her how to respect her husband while maintaining her strength in character. I’ve taught her how to honor you. I’ve taught her the power her words have over you. She can be a voice that builds you up, or tears you down. I’ve taught her the beauty in being a mother who loves with all that she is. I’ve done my best to give her all the knowledge I can. I know I haven’t done it perfectly, I know she’ll make mistakes. Will you handle her with care and grace? Will you gently lead her into resolution and purpose? Will you lead her to heaven?
At the end of your life it is you – you, my son-in-law – who will give an account for the way you led and loved my little girl as Christ loves his bride, the church. Will you be given a good account for stewarding her heart with the love and servant-leadership of Christ? Will your children by my daughter find themselves being raised by a father whose life is humble and trembles at God’s word and will for his life?
I have no doubt that your mother has done her very best as well. That’s what we moms do. I have prayed for her as well. That she was given the grace she needed to raise you to be the man you were meant to be. I pray she and I always love one another and can be your biggest cheerleaders.
So yes, son, you scare me. Entrusting you with my daughter will be the hardest thing I will ever do. But I’ve chosen to believe you will be the spouse my daughter was called to marry. I chose to pray regularly over your relationship, many years in advance, because while marriage isn’t as sacred in our world as it once was – it IS a truly beautiful, sacred covenant. I long to see the two of you in a true commitment that leads your family to a beautiful, happy ending.
So today, as you watch her walk down the isle to you and you take her hand into yours, know that you take my heart into your hand as well. I love you my son♥️
“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”
Ephesians 5:25-28 ESV
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