The Big 50

I woke up today like any other day; 5 o’clock to workout then shower and get ready for work. As I looked in the mirror it was easy to criticize my 50 year old reflection. Wrinkles and crinkles, sags and bags...stretch marks and handles that weren’t there 30 years ago. When did this happen??!?  Sometimes when I look at my reflection all I can see are aesthetics. But if I step back, take a breath and focus on what’s good and sweet and meaningful the reflection changes to something that I would never change. Not one wrinkle, not one sag, not one grey hair....because although this is my story......THIS is also my song!

To My Angel Baby On Her Wedding Day

To My Angel Baby,

Today I altered your wedding dress. Tomorrow, William Cody Self will alter your future. How did this happen so fast? Just yesterday you and I were up for a 2AM feeding and you were snuggled up to me with a sweet little smile and not one single worry in this world...because I was your world. Oh how I have taken for granted the precious time I had to raise you. Almost a quarter of a century sounds like forever but believe me....it's not!

I think back over the years to all the firsts we experienced together. All of the typical ones come to mind quickly.... First time to sleep through the night; first steps; first day of school; first sleepover without me; first boyfriend. But the ones I really treasure....your first time to taste ice cream; your first time to recognize yourself in the mirror; your first understanding of who Jesus really is; your first time to solve a problem by yourself; your first time to tell me you didn't need my help; your first time to be heartbroken; your first time to tell me thank you for being hard on you when you were younger. All of these firsts were amazing and funny and sad and hard and...priceless!

                 
                                            

I remember you once saying, life doesn't come with a manual, it comes with a mother. Of all the things I've wanted to do and accomplish in this world, being a mother was at the top of the list, just below being a servant to Christ and being a good spouse. Because without being the first two, I wouldn't have been able to fulfill the third. 

My greatest joy has come from being your Mom. I have tried my hardest to teach you to be strong, brave, full of integrity, respectful and self sufficient. My goal was to instill in you a sense of self worth so that one day you could chose a partner that would enhance you, not one that would control you. I believe you have chosen well. 

I’m so excited to watch you move through this next chapter of your life. This is where the fun really begins! Relying on your parents wasn’t a choice. You had to put up with us. Relying on your husband, that is a choice, one that can be a challenge some days but rewarding most days. I hope you will continue to have the patience you have shown growing up. Marriage isn’t always easy, it takes work and commitment but it’s the most rewarding relationship you will ever have.

If I could give you some advice it would be this: always be honest. Trust is a slippery slope and once broken can never be fully repaired. If you are always honest about your thoughts and feelings, you can’t help but respect each other. 

Remember that God will always provide what you need THIS DAY so don’t get consumed with what you want in the future. It’s alright to plan for the future but don’t let your dreams ruin your reality. 

Your marriage will one day be the cornerstone for every decision, every moral, every concept that your children will fall back on to pave their own relationships. Always show them what it means to love, respect and be a united front with each other. Don’t ever let your children destroy your own relationship. They should be third behind your God and your spouse.  

And speaking of children, I think the day I look forward to the most is the day that that I watch you look into the eyes of your newborn child because that my sweet baby girl, is the day I get to see you realize what it has meant to me to be your mother! It’s a love that can’t be explained, it must be experienced!

So as you walk down that isle tomorrow, arm in arm with your Daddy, know this...we aren’t giving you away, we are just Trusting your care to another person. You will always be our Angel Baby!

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Love,
♥️Mom♥️

Dear Son

Dear Cody,

Do you remember the first day we met? I was sitting in Cheyenne’s classroom with my back to the door. I heard the door open and I looked up at her to see her acknowledge the presence of whomever had just walked in. Now you need to understand something before I go on. I was the first person in this world to look upon her beautiful face. For over 24 years watching her expressions has been my greatest joy. I’ve become an expert at predicting her thoughts just by her facial expressions alone. But that day? That day I saw an expression I had never seen before. That day I saw an expression that said, “he’s the one”. That day I saw an expression that scared me. Yes. I said it. You scare me.

Understand me, I already love you more than I’m able to adequately express. But the power and role you will have in my daughter’s life today strikes up more fear in my heart than I’ve ever been prepared to deal with. You have the ability to help my daughter flourish into the woman she will become, or the ability to crush her. Can you possibly understand how scary that is for a mother?

I pray about you frequently. I have high standards for you, and I don’t mean that to be a daunting thing, but entrusting my daughter under your leadership is likely the hardest thing I will ever do. She’s my baby. Raising her is my greatest joy, and watching her marry you will be the most bittersweet thing I will ever do.

Therefore I pray that you are a strong man of faith. Full of integrity and true character, loyal and honest, brave and intelligent. I pray you are gentle with my girl. I pray you are an amazing father, and that my daughter encourages you in that role. I believe you will be thoughtful and caring, because I believe my daughter has chosen wisely.

I’ve been married for a while and I know the hard work it is. I know the burden a man has to provide, love and lead his family. I see the fear and uncertainty a man must deal with. I pray you have the necessary skills to lead gracefully and that God is always first in your life.

I’ve done my very best to raise a daughter who will love you wholeheartedly. Who understands that marriage isn’t a fairy tale, but a true commitment, a covenant that lasts far beyond broken rules or broken hearts. One that isn’t to be taken lightly, and something you don’t just give up on. I’ve encouraged her independence and leadership qualities, all while hoping to model for her how to respect her husband while maintaining her strength in character. I’ve taught her how to honor you. I’ve taught her the power her words have over you. She can be a voice that builds you up, or tears you down. I’ve taught her the beauty in being a mother who loves with all that she is. I’ve done my best to give her all the knowledge I can. I know I haven’t done it perfectly, I know she’ll make mistakes. Will you handle her with care and grace? Will you gently lead her into resolution and purpose? Will you lead her to heaven?

At the end of your life it is you – you, my son-in-law – who will give an account for the way you led and loved my little girl as Christ loves his bride, the church. Will you be given a good account for stewarding her heart with the love and servant-leadership of Christ? Will your children by my daughter find themselves being raised by a father whose life is humble and trembles at God’s word and will for his life?

I have no doubt that your mother has done her very best as well. That’s what we moms do. I have prayed for her as well. That she was given the grace she needed to raise you to be the man you were meant to be. I pray she and I always love one another and can be your biggest cheerleaders.

So yes, son, you scare me. Entrusting you with my daughter will be the hardest thing I will ever do. But I’ve chosen to believe you will be the spouse my daughter was called to marry. I chose to pray regularly over your relationship, many years in advance, because while marriage isn’t as sacred in our world as it once was – it IS a truly beautiful, sacred covenant. I long to see the two of you in a true commitment that leads your family to a beautiful, happy ending.

So today, as you watch her walk down the isle to you and you take her hand into yours, know that you take my heart into your hand as well. I love you my son♥️

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:25-28‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Tammy