Thanksgiving 2016

Every year on this day, I wake up to write a list of things I'm thankful for. If you know me, then you know I have no shortage of words that can flow across a page with ease when the mood strikes me. I have my Hallmark card list of "things I'm thankful for" that I could probably copy and paste in a moments notice. 

But this year is different. This year I woke up with tears before I could even get my iPad up and running. Some years are just harder than others and this is one of those. Sometimes I have to dig just a little bit further under the surface to be able to put my thoughts on paper. 

This has been a hard year for many reasons. Our country has been beaten and bruised by an election that has brought out the worst and ugliest sides in all of us. Our thoughts, our words and our actions have lashed out to inflict pain and they have met their mark with deadly precision. Though history tells me that we have been here before, this is the most divisive our nation has been in my lifetime and the feeling leaves me heartbroken and despairing. 

This year one of my closest friends, a sister of my heart, was diagnosed with cancer and is preparing for an epic battle to come...and she isn't alone. I can list at least a half a dozen more friends that were diagnosed and fighting as well. 

This year I have lost loved ones, unexpected to say the least, and it has left us in an uncomfortable position of asking God, "Why?"  No one likes to be at this place but as humans, we will inevitably be there at some point in our lives. And as always, I miss family members who passed years ago yet never more than during the holidays. Some losses never lose their sting. 

So this morning I've had to do some soul searching and spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to show me something, give me something, tell me something that would help me through this "year that wasn't as great as others". And being the Loving Father that He never fails to be, He showed me this verse....

Matthew 28:20, "I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

He told me through this verse that there is absolutely no place, no trial, no journey on this earth that He would not be there with me (and you) right by my side. 

So to my fellow Americans, we have not been nor will  we be alone as we begin this journey of repairing our country. 

To my beloved Adel, and my other friends and loved ones fighting cancer, we have not been nor will we be alone for every treatment, every trip to a hospital, every Doctor's visit to give us news of this horrible disease. 

To my family who has lost loved ones this year and years past, we have not been nor will we be alone during our time of grief, suffering and even anger. 

And to all of us, from every moment past to the right here and now and to every moment of the future, we have not been nor will we ever be alone! 

Today, that is what I am Thankful for...a God who will be with me always, to the very end of the age. 

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Look Full In His Wonderful Face

2 dates stand out in my mind as the greatest days on earth; 10/15/1991 and 6/2/1994. That's the day I met my babies. Most days I can't remember what I had for lunch but these two days? I can't remember everything that happened on these 2 days but one thing I will never forget is what my babies faces looked like. I remember that I couldn't look away from them. Something inside of me physically, mentally and emotionally would not let me take my eyes off of them.

The bible says that we can't look directly into the face of God. Not while we live in this world anyway. Did it ever dawn on you that if we can't look "full in His wonderful face" that He can't look into our eyes either? We are his babies. He has the same physical, mental and emotional need to look into our faces as we do with our own children. We know that He longs to see us because we were created in His image. So what is a parent to do?

He created an alternative path, through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. We can look into His face by looking into the faces of His people. We can make eye contact with God by making eye contact with His children.

Yet, we spend our days with our eyes on our phones, our iPads, our computers, our televisions. We rarely have a conversation anymore that our eye contact isn't interrupted with an electronic device. What could be more important than devoting our full attention to our fellow man when we know that we are seeing God through their eyes? What jobs do we have that are more important than showing others Christ through us?

I sure need to work on this! I fail at this miserably but I hope that I keep in mind that to love God's people is to love God Himself. I hope that I would never take my eyes off of God to read a text or an e-mail. I shouldn't do that with His Children either.

God, I ask that you would cleanse me of my selfishness and remind me that loving and respecting others is to love and respect You.

Come Home

When Cheyenne Casey  comes home, she always asks me why the coffee always tastes better at my house. We have the same coffee maker, we buy the same coffee and creamer. I never really have an answer for that question. But I do know that when I go to My Momma's house, I've always thought the same thing. Everything seems better at Momma's house. Naps are better, the food tastes better, I never worry about fixing my hair or getting in a hurry to get something done. I walk into her house and I just feel myself breath for a little bit. No matter how old I get, going to my Mom's house just feels like coming home. I don't think it has anything to do with WHERE she lives, I think it's more about WHO she is. I've always felt safe, taken care of, loved unconditionally and treated like I was her number one priority when I'm there.

We all want to feel that way. We all need to feel that way. Some people don't have a Mom that makes them feel this way. This makes me sad.  Some people have lost their parents or never had a parent that made them feel that way. Some people are going from home to home looking for something or someone that will make them feel that way.

God wants to be that person in our lives. He wants to be our dwelling place. He wants to be the person that makes us feel safe, taken care of, loved unconditionally and He wants to treat us as if we are his number one priority... Because we are! He is waiting for you at the door with the best cup of coffee you've ever had. All you have to do is come home❤️

Love Without Parameters

As I stand at the window of my hotel room this morning, I look out across the city of Houston and I am in awe of my surroundings. Not necessarily because it's beautiful, although it does have some artistic appeal to me, but because of its sheer magnitude. It's actually overwhelming to a small town girl like me. It's hard for me to wrap my head around the size of these buildings. It's even harder for me to comprehend the amount of people that are filling the insides of these buildings.

I'm amazed at the sheer effort that it takes to construct these monstrosities, the amount of intelligence it takes to plan them, the amount of muscle it takes to execute those plans. I've been watching a construction site just below my window all morning. If I look closely I can see that there are men and women working on multiple floors. Hundreds of people. There are people above operating cranes and other heavy equipment.  There are people directing and people following. They look like ants, all knowing what needs to be done, all coming together for a common purpose. For most, it's probably for a paycheck. For some, it might be for the satisfaction of doing a job well. For all, it's to build this building. Side by side, they work on a mutual project. People of different colors, different races, different genders, different religions. People taking orders and direction from supervisors without incident.

On these same streets, on any given day you will see people gathered in large groups. Just one block over last night we watched over 30,000 fans pour into Minute Maid Park to watch a baseball game. Different colors, different races, different genders, different religions. Policemen directing traffic which I have come to find out happens every night down here. Everyone doing as they are instructed without incident. You might stand up here and watch a 5k run, people coming together to raise money for Breast Cancer Awareness. You might stand up here and watch this entire downtown area covered with people coming and going to the theater district.

These are the everyday activities of the people of the United States. This happens in every town and city across the US every day. People gathered together in large groups, working towards a mutual cause to accomplish a mutual goal without any attention given to the fact that we are different colors, different races, different genders or different religions.

Our government doesn't want us to see ourselves living together harmoniously. The media doesn't want us to see this everyday living that we do. Instead, they want to divide us, catagorize us, pit us against each other and keep us separated so that they can control our actions and our emotions. Satan is using our government and the media to divide and conquer us. We MUST wake up and take a stand against this! The bible says in Matthew, Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand. It also says in 1 Corinthians, I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another in what you say and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly united in mind and thought.

We as a nation, are NOT what we see on the news and social media. We are one nation, under God, indivisible, with Liberty and Justice for all. We as individuals are in control of what we allow to influence us. We as individuals are in control of how we treat other people. We as individuals are in control of our own actions. We, as individuals are responsible for kindness and compassion to those around us so that we as a nation can live together in harmony, with a mutual respect and a mutual cause.

God, I am the worlds worst at believing everything I see and hear at face value. I am guilty of allowing the news and social media of misguiding me and keeping me from working on relationships that matter. I ask that you remind me every day that the relationships I build with people are the most important thing I will ever do.

Worry Not

God, it's me again. I need to talk to you this morning. I went to bed worrying and I woke up worrying...over ridiculous stuff. I'm a little overwhelmed right at this moment. This week is the Fiesta. I have a lot of duties to perform. I don't think people realize just how much work is involved getting ready for this. I know I sure didn't when I signed on for it years ago. Every year I get anxiety about this time. I know in the grand scheme of things this is pretty insignificant but to me, this is a pretty big chunk of my time.

Not only that, but I'm worried about the Presidential debates tonight. Good grief! Like I can change anything, right? I have a list of other things that come to mind but I think you get the picture. (Recognize you are in need: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.)

I'm sorry that I seem to always tell you that I'm going to turn this stuff over to You and in the next minute I'm yanking it right back. Why am I such a control freak?!? (repent of our self-sufficiency: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.)

So I guess here's the thing, I don't think I can go through the rest of my week like this. You know me, I need my sleep. My coworkers need me to get my sleep too. My husband definitely needs me to get my sleep. So one more time, I'm asked You to take over the anxiety I'm having this week. I want to be able to have fun planning this Fiesta. I want to have some hope for the future of our Country and I want to get a full 8 hours of sleep! And not necessarily in that order!! (We quit calling the shots and surrender control to God: Blessed are the meek,�for they will inherit the earth.)

I have no doubt that You are up for this task. I can't remember how many times you have come through for me when I come to you like this. I guess it's a good thing you love me so much because I can be worse than a small child when it comes to giving and taking away. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have You. Sometimes I just have to write down my prayers to you because I know me, this is going to come up again and I want to be able to look back at this and remind myself that if I would quit taking back the control I give to You everything would be ok. (So grateful are we for his presence that we yearn for more of him: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,for they will be filled.)

Im going to go ahead and pray for some people right now because I know as this week progresses, there are going to be some people that aren't very nice to me. I've been down this road before. Please let me remember that they might have things going on in their lives that they haven't yet been willing to give over to You. I need to remember that not everything is about me, I might just be the person that catches them at a bad time. I'm going to try really hard not to take any of it to heart. And I really need to pray for the media this week! I have no doubt that they will start spewing and twisting things up as soon as this debate is over tonight. I need to remember that I can't change that and that ultimately you are in charge of what happens in the weeks to come. This is really the hardest part for me, praying for those that hurt me or upset me. I'm working on it though! (As we grow closer to him, we become more like him. We forgive others: Blessed are the merciful,for they will be shown mercy.)

You know, while I'm at it, I'm going to ask you to keep a hand on my heart and remind me of the good that I have seen in the people around me. I really should take the opportunity to let them know that I see these things. It could be that no one has ever taken the time to let them know that someone has noticed. Everyone has something that makes them special. I'm going to try to look for those things this week! (We change our outlook: Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.)

Wow, I'm feeling better already! I'm so glad that you always take the time to listen to me ramble. I guess You are the only person I know that doesn't get frustrated when I can't seem to get my thoughts together, which is great; I need someone in my corner. I'm going to try to look forward to planning this week. I really do like that I have the opportunity to serve this way and it does always turn out to be a lot of fun. As for the debate, I think I might sit back with some popcorn and a Pepsi!

Be a Diamond

This morning I was struck with a profound thought. Doesn't happen often but when it does, it happens at just the right time in my life. It seems as though I am surrounded by people dealing with pressure, myself included. My friends, my family; day in and day out. Pressure! This week I have expressed how much pressure I am under getting ready for the Fiesta. I have had a sweet friend express how hard it is to be a mother of small children in this day and age. The competition between young moms is ridiculous. I have another dear friend that is ready to give up Facebook because of the pressure it is causing in her life. People are ruthless when they can hide behind a computer screen and spew hate and discord. Cowards to the very core. And even a member of my family that is having to deal with a lot of pressure at their job, too much to accomplish with not enough time or resources to get the job done. I have a sweet friend just diagnosed with cancer who has begun the fight of her life. My list could go on and on and on. It seems that everyone I know is dealing with pressure.

Now here is where my profound thought comes in. Bare with me here. Pressure is a tool. That sounds wrong but it is so right! Pressure, even though it is not an actual object, is a tool. And here's the real kicker; pressure is one of the tools most often used by Satan AND by God! They both use pressure to mold us. Satan uses pressure to bend us, to break us, to make us give up and beg for mercy. It causes us pain and torture. It makes us lash out and sin to get away from it. Satan uses it to try to conform us to his will for he hopes to keep us from Seeing God.

God uses pressure in the same exact way. God allows the pressure that Satan is throwing around to bend us and break us, to make us give up and beg for mercy. He allows it to cause us pain and torture.

Both of them are using pressure as a tool. Both of them are hoping for the same result. But there is one HUGE difference in the way that they are using this tool. Our faithful Father sent the Holy Spirit to reside in our hearts. He sent us protection against Satan's tactics. Therefore, even though they use the same exact tool for the same exact reason, they will get 2 very different outcomes. Where as Satan uses pressure, his results will become a fossil, a dried, compressed, hardened reminder of a life no longer of this earth. But when God uses pressure, he allows us to become Diamonds! A new creation, sparkling, beautiful, indestructible and sought after by the entire world! All because He gave us the Holy Spirit to protect us from the pressure.

I urge all of us to look at the pressures we face today. Remember that it won't be easy, it won't be quick and it won't  be painless but it will be so worth it in the end! Fight the good fight and become the diamond God intended you to be!

Praise You In This Storm

Summer comes and we can't wait to get outside in the sun to have some fun! Swimming, BBQ's, family vacations, no school. Life just slows down and we enjoy it just a little bit more. Day after day, we play and indulge. Day after day, we are gluttons for the sun and fun. One afternoon we slow down because a storm has moved in. But we don't complain because it has been months since it has rained and it will be so refreshing. Even if it has some hail and wind and lightening, we don't mind because our land is so dry. 

The rain brings with it cooler temperatures. Just what we needed! We've been so hot all summer and going out into that sun has lost its appeal. Fall has arrived and we can't wait for football and milder temps. Our meals get a little heavier and so do our fannies but that's ok because swim suit season is over! Can I get an Amen?!? Thank you Sweet Baby Jesus that we don't have THAT pressure hanging over us anymore! Could life get any better? 

We wake up one morning and a cold front has moved in. Thank goodness. Nobody wants to wear shorts on Christmas morning...a very real thing in Texas! We want to see some snow on the ground, make snowmen and snow ice cream if we're lucky, sing Christmas songs and do some baking! Our trees go up and it feels like a party every day.  We watch parades on television, exchange a mountain of gifts and bring out our ugly sweaters to hide all that baking we've been doing😳

One more day we are slugging through the mud and the ice and the muck to get to our cars to go to work and we see something bright green trying to peek through the crusty ground. Before we know it, tiny flowers are poking up all around us and our yards look like the grass fairy has made a sweep! It's so pretty and it smells so good! We look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder where the heck that 20 pounds came from. We decide it's time to do something about it! What better time than when everything is starting over? It's a new year and a new me! We work hard, drop a few pounds and start to feel really good. We look up and guess what? Sweet Summertime is here! And so the cycle continues. 

Do you notice what just happened here? Seasons changed. We embraced each one of them with very little thought to the actual change. We just went with them. We accommodate and make the best of the current situation. We find the joy to be had in each one of them. We can't control the weather or the climate so we adapt.

But what happens when the seasons change in our personal lives? You know, the ones that we say God is in control of but only when we want Him to be?.........

All of our lives we dream of finding a soul mate, a spouse, a person that we can grow old with. That special person is perfect, until they are not. You wake up one morning and realize your special person has a drinking problem. You can't fix it, you can't control it. It wrecks your marriage and you wonder what you did wrong. 

You carry your child for 9 months. You dream of heart shaped lips, 10 fingers and 10 toes and pretty pink skin. You can't wait to chase this little person around the house and hear their laugh. Your baby is placed in your arms and you immediately know something isn't right. Your baby is born with special needs and you wonder what you did wrong. 

You thank God every day for that special friend that He put in your life. The one that you can tell all of your darkest secrets to, the one that will always make you smile and knows just what you need, day or night. The one that calls you and tells you that they were diagnosed with cancer.....and you wonder what you did wrong. 

You spend every day talking to your parent. You think they will always be there for you, even when no one else is. You rely on them for everything. Until they are relying on you and they are in a nursing home and they can't remember who you are and you wonder what you did wrong. 

The seasons in our lives change just like the weather. But we don't handle the transitions as well. The bible says:

3 There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

2     a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

4     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

6     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace.

God is going to allow the seasons in our lives to change. Every change will bring with it an opportunity to turn to Him, to rely on Him and to praise Him. 

God, I know that change is inevitable. You allow the seasons to change outside and you've always prepared me for it. I know that the seasons in my heart are going to change too and I know that if I keep my focus on You, that You will prepare me for those changes as well. I can't promise that I won't stumble but I can promise that I will praise You in this storm.

It's Not About Me

Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me.
Psalm 50:15

Problems Have a Purpose
God will use whatever he wants to display his glory. Heavens and stars. History and nations. People and problems. Death of a loved one or even a loved one who is suffering and is praying for death to take them. I remember my Grandaddy. He died around the age of 92. He was crippled, he was almost blind and he was in excruciating pain day in and day out as he laid in a bed in the nursing home. I would go to see him and he would cry to me and ask why God wouldn't just take him. But before I would walk into his room each time, before he knew that I was there, he would be praying to God to take care of my little brothers. He did this every day, all day long. He loved those boys with a heart like no other. I realized that maybe God needed my Grandaddy to stay on this earth, suffering and crying to go to his Heavenly home, because he was such a prayer warrior. Maybe my brothers needed his prayers because they couldn't pray for themselves and no one else was. I have no idea. What I do know is that my Grandaddy was the best example of a Christian that I have ever known! I miss him to this day and I am so grateful to have spent as many years with him as I did. Floyd Donica, you are missed and loved to this day❤️

A season of suffering is a small assignment when compared to the reward.
Rather than begrudge your problem, explore it. Ponder it. And most of all, use it. Use it to the glory of God…
Your pain has a purpose. Your problems, struggles, heartaches, and hassles cooperate toward one end—the glory of God.
—It’s Not About Me

Heavenly Father, when problems and pain come my way, help me to remember that nothing comes into my life without your approval. Rather than complain and cry about the challenges I face, help me consider them as opportunities to bring glory to you. Give me the strength and patience to bear my burdens in a way that will honor you. I will lift my eyes off the trials and keep them fixed firmly on you, amen.

Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us.
Daniel 3:17
Not a word failed of any good thing which the Lord had spoken to the house of Israel. All came to pass.
Joshua 21:45
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all.
Psalm 34:19

Listen With Your Eyes

 Psalm 116:2

I remember when Trey Casey was a little boy and he was telling me a story. I wish I could remember now what it was about because it was really important to him at that time. Being the young, first time Mom that I was, I was listening with half an ear while multitasking about 5 other things. He asked me more than once to listen and I assured him that I was. He then got my attention by getting in my line of vision and saying, Momma, listen to me with your eyes.........Light bulb moment! It never dawned on me that I was only giving him half my attention, half my time, half my heart when he wanted it all! I vowed that day that what he had to say from then on was more important than any unfinished business I had going! 

But I have to ask myself, do I give God the same undivided attention? The scripture says He bends down to listen to me. He gets in my line of vision and says, "I want to listen to you with my eyes, with my ears, with my heart". What I have to say to Him is the most important thing He will hear all day. Why is it so hard for me to spend time talking to Him? 

God, I am sorry that I always seem to leave you with what is left over instead of giving you what is my best! Please don't give up on me. I'm a work in progress but I promise to try harder to listen to you with my eyes. Amen.

Fear And My Father's Pockets

When I was a little girl, I had an awful fear of heights. It was ridiculous of course because all the best things in life happened above ground! Climbing trees, flying, jumping on a trampoline, roller coasters, my best friends second story balcony.....all of these things happened ABOVE my comfort zone. But the worst one was, my Dad's favorite fishing hole. I'm sure you are wondering how anything involving water could be up. Well, the only way to access his favorite fishing hole was to walk across this large metal water pipe that crossed over the water to a cement platform that stood in the middle of this little reservoir. He and my little brother would take off across this thing like it was a sidewalk and never miss a step. Me on the other hand, I would get to the edge and would freeze. I could not make myself put one foot on that thing for fear of falling off. I would tear up, my dad would coax, I would beg and he would coax and finally, I would cry and he would help. He hooked my hands onto his back pockets and told me not to look down and not to stop. He went before me and never broke contact until we were safely to the platform. This is one of my best memories with my Dad. He could have gotten mad, he could have yelled at me to stop being a baby, he could have left me there crying...but he walked before me and led the way because he wanted me to experience what was on the other side of that fear. 

Today, I'm a real live grown up. I'm no longer afraid to walk across the top of water......or am I? I think as adults our fears from childhood evolve into more grown up words like worry, stress, anxiety. I have worried if I would be smart enough to be a nurse. I have worried if I would be a good mother. I have had anxiety about how I would pay my bills. I have stressed about how to put my kids through college. The list goes on and on and on. My Daddy isn't here to put my hands in his back pockets and walk me across the water. But my Heavenly Father is. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Just like my Dad here on earth, Jesus puts my hands in his back pockets and says don't look down and don't stop walking. He wants me to experience what is on the other side of that fear. 

Lord, even as an adult, I admit that there are still things that scare me. Thank you for reminding me that you will always be there to lead me through them. Amen

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand

The Damage Is Done

I'm usually all about the Brags but yesterday I witnessed something that simultaneously made my blood boil and broke my heart.

On a rare Last minute decision to take the day off, I decided to make a quick trip to San Angelo so eat lunch with my kiddos. Yes, it's over an hour to get there and an hour to get back for a 3 hour visit but it is totally worth it...Every. Single. Time! You see, I wanted these two children. I planned for and prayed for these two children. I thank God for blessing me with the responsibility of raising these two children even to this day.

Before leaving San Angelo, I ran into the mall there for a quick pedicure. As I was sitting in my chair, there was a young mother sitting in the seat next to me. She had a young child sitting in a stroller in front of her. She didn't speak words yet, just babbled. She had two cute little pig tails and a sticky face due to the sucker she had been given. Now, if you have ever been in a nail salon, you will understand that this would not be a fun place for a toddler that is strapped into a stroller. Especially when her mother, who was extremely rude to the nail tech, never bothered to look up from her phone to acknowledge this child...until this child demanded her attention with a few squeals. The next thing I know, this young woman's mouth opened up and Satan flew out of it in the form of a hateful, bitter ....bitch for lack of a better definition. She screamed at this beautiful child to Shut Up, not once, not twice, not even three times. She did this a total of 4 times in the 45 minutes we were in there. At one point she handed her her cell phone to try to keep her entertained but got mad and yanked it back out of her little hands and screamed at her again for getting it sticky with the sucker she had given her to keep her entertained in the first place!

Are you kidding me?!? My palm was itching to make contact with this young woman. How dare she speak to this child like that? And then I realized, this is more than likely the way she was raised as well. That's when my heart broke. Here she is, screaming at this child and it's probably the only form of parenting she has ever witnessed.

I can't help but wonder what this young Mom's voice sounds like in her daughters head. And worse than that, I can't help but wonder if these are the only words that she will remember as she grows into an adult and starts making life's decisions. This young mother has subconsciously taught this child her worth. She will grow up and think that it is ok for her significant other to speak to her this way. She will one day teach her own children this same lesson.

Schools can't fix this. Church can't fix this. Raising children is our own responsibility! A responsibly that should be our highest priority! God help us all!

You Came To Me In A Dream

I woke up with tears on my lashes this morning. You came to me in a dream. You were a lone stranger sitting in a waiting area of a low lit, open concept restaurant waiting for some reason...a table? another person? I'm not sure. I was the driver of a van full of teenagers at some sort of retreat in the mountains. We were in New Mexico? Colorado? I was waiting for my group to get back to the van and I needed to use the restroom. 

I crossed the street and rounded the corner of this outdoor patio restaurant and there you sat. Alone. I didn't notice you until you said, "hey, you forgot the rest of that sweater". I was wearing a hi-low sweater and it was longer in the back than it was in the front. You had a twinkle in your eye and a little smirk on your face to let me know you were teasing me. I looked at your face and I couldn't move, couldn't breath for a moment. Your gaze looked upon me without recognition. Then you got concerned because you could tell that I was staring at you with no words.  I took a small step towards you and then I felt tears start to form in my eyes. Suddenly I realized what I was doing and then, without ever taking my eyes from yours, I apologized for being so rude. I explained that you looked exactly like my Dad that had passed away. You had a look of sadness as you apologized for my loss. I introduced myself and you obligingly told me your name was Ronnie. I stared at you as if this was impossible and whispered that Ronnie was also my father's name. 

I went on to explain that he looked like a younger version of you. He joked that you must have been an extremely handsome fellow. I sat beside him and I told him that I had a picture of you that I wanted to show him because I wanted him to understand why I was so shocked. I pulled out my phone and showed him the picture of you and Coleen taken right before you got married. He was stunned at the similarity. 

I told him I had to leave yet I couldn't make myself stand up. I asked him if I could give him a hug because I couldn't bear to leave without touching him at least once before I left. He smiled and said, "sure Darlin'". As I pulled away, I placed my hand on his cheek and whispered, "I don't understand." He looked at me and said, " maybe you needed to know that he is alright." 

I couldn't stop thinking of this bizarre dream. All through church it stayed on my mind. I couldn't understand why it was such a vivid recollection. As I sat having lunch, a thought occurred to me. You kept a small postcard that was left in your hospital room during one of your stays in Abilene. I literally could not wait to get home to read the scripture that I knew it contained. Even though you couldn't speak, you would hold it up for me to read and you would look me in the eye and point to yourself and shake your head in the affirmative and then you would point to me and shake your head in the affirmative. 

As soon as I read the words on that card, everything became clear to me. The card read: Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9. Lord, I rejoice in the encouraging promise that You will never leave me nor forsake me. Amen

I realized that you came to me in my dream to show me that you were ok now. That your body was young and strong and had no cancer. That your voice was sure and beautiful. That your mind was happy and finally content. You wanted me to have peace and you gave it to me through a stranger in my dream. 

I woke up with tears on my lashes this morning. You came to me in a dream.